This morning, I read on the internet that a 15 year old girl in Nepal killed herself after Brazil's loss to Germany. The report stated that she was teased by her friends because she supported Brazil. Sometime ago, there was also a news about a 20-year old Chinese girl, who jumped out of the window of her house to the ground and died. Her reason? Her boyfriend broke up with her.
When I read that news I felt so many emotions at the same time; sympathy, sadness and anger. I was sad because I'm human and death is not usually good news. But I was also very angry because I couldn't imagine why a girl should entrust her life in the hands of a guy to the extent of committing suicide because he said he is no longer interested.
Recently, in the western part of Nigeria, a man stabbed himself to death because his fiancee broke off their engagement. His reason? "I cannot imagine a life without the love of my life". My feelings for the Chinese girl saga was also replicated here; sadness, sympathy and anger. Another 17 year old girl in the United States, committed suicide by jumping into the river because she cheated during exams. These are only case studies. So many people have done outrageous and unspeakable things in the name of love, disappointment, hurt et al. Being disappointed is a constant element as long as we are alive. In life people will disappoint you; friends family, acquaintances, you name it. It is almost an inevitable part of life.
I have also had my own share of disappointments, some have been very hurtful, I have hardly gotten over them, some were very subtle and mild enough to forgive. On the other hand, some have been so piercing, it took the word of God and almost all the strength I could muster to overlook and move on. After a critical analysis of these three case-studies mentioned above, and a host of many others, I found out that the major cause of disappointment is EXPECTATIONS.
In a world of nearly 7 billion imperfect people, it is almost impossible to have relationships without having to deal with some sort of disappointment. So what do you do to avoid being disappointed all the time? Check your level of expectation. In my opinion, have little or no expectations at all. High expectations, more often than not, lead to disappointments.
The 15 year old girl who killed herself in Nepal had so much expectations that Brazil will win and when they didn't, she killed herself. The 20 year old Chinese girl held her boyfriend in high esteem and expected him to never disappoint her, and when he broke up with her, she couldn't deal with the heart break. The man, whose engagement was called off by his fiancee, stabbed himself because he expected that the girl, whom he loved so much, will never do such a thing.
In our daily relationships, it is almost impossible not to trust or have some level of expectation. Without it, there wouldn't be any meaningful relationship at all. Relationships are built on the basis of trust and with trust comes expectations. That is why we share our problems, fears, hopes, dreams, aspirations, happy moments, secrets with people we trust with the expectation that they will support us, encourage us, stand by us, keep our secrets and the list goes on and on. But the mistake we make is, we build high expectations without considering the possibility that those people are humans and are capable of "falling your hand" as we say is Nigeria.
The bible was so right when it says in Jeremiah that "Cursed is the man who puts his confidence in man". God wasn't mincing words when he made this statement because being our creator, he understands the heart of man and knows that it is futile and worthless to put your whole confidence in a mere mortal. He knows and understands that humans are weak, that is why he urges us to putting our total trust in him.
Having expectations in relationships isn't entirely bad in itself but building unrealistic expectations and putting total confidence in someone or people is not advised. You will only end up being hurt. Trust your husband, your boyfriend, your colleague, your friends, family, that's very important. But don't forget that they are humans. When they fall short of your expectations, which you built because of your trust, don't get yourself beat up. Remember that they are not God and cannot satisfy all your needs physically, emotionally, spiritually e.t.c.
I have noticed that men run away from ladies who have high emotional needs, leading them to expecting so much from their spouse. These women build their lives around the guy so much that when the man falls short of their expectations, no matter how small, they get into bouts of depression, nagging, disappointment and all.
So trust me life is easier with little or no expectations. You live your life expecting anything from anybody. Nothing will come as a surprise to you because you understand that you are dealing with humans and they have the ability to disappoint you. I have noticed that the less I expect from people, the less I get disappointed and the happier I become. So rid of life of toxic expectations that can damage your happiness. Love people, trust them, but don't EXPECT too much from them. I wish you a happy, hurt-free, disappointment-free life as you apply this trick. Lots of love from me to you.
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